this year has been strange. to say the least.
so as i sit here after dinner and everything, i think back on the year it’s been. i mean, it’s been good – but the bad has been really hard.
let’s take stock:
- finished my first year of grad school
- did a few storytelling things
- ended up in treatment for depression and my eating disorder
- lost my job
- came back from inpatient & residential treatment and did… well, more treatment
- got a different job
- continued on this whole treatment thing
there have been 2 major breakdowns- one that ended with me going to Rogers, the other that ended wth this entry.
i’m having a hard time. when things get rough – i revert to old habits: i stop eating, or i eat everything i possibly can. i shut down, because i’m so painfully afraid of feeling my feelings and being too much. and i feel like i am always too much. i feel guilty because i’m taking care of myself. i don’t listen – i’m just waiting to talk.
i’m thankful that i can see that now. that i know when my life is sliding sideways and i need to pull it together.
i’m thankful i have a husband, a good family and friends who will support me when i’m sliding off the rails and help me find my balance.
i’m thankful i have a mentor at school who gets it. who knows that this is hard, and is there to support me and make sure i succeed.
i’m thankful for my treatment team. i honestly don’t know where i’d be without them: being at rodgers changed my life, and i will always owe them a huge debt of gratitude. my regular team has been amazing at helping me keep it all together.
so there’s a lot to be thankful for. a lot to work on, but to be thankful in the moment and remember that’s all of us can do.
it's a delicate struggle 