what im thankful for

this year has been strange. to say the least.

so as i sit here after dinner and everything, i think back on the year it’s been. i mean, it’s been good – but the bad has been really hard.

let’s take stock:

  • finished my first year of grad school
  • did a few storytelling things
  • ended up in treatment for depression and my eating disorder
  • lost my job
  • came back from inpatient & residential treatment and did… well, more treatment
  • got a different job
  • continued on this whole treatment thing

there have been 2 major breakdowns- one that ended with me going to Rogers, the other that ended wth this entry.

i’m having a hard time. when things get rough – i revert to old habits: i stop eating, or i eat everything i possibly can. i shut down, because i’m so painfully afraid of feeling my feelings and being too much. and i feel like i am always too much. i feel guilty because i’m taking care of myself. i don’t listen – i’m just waiting to talk.

i’m thankful that i can see that now. that i know when my life is sliding sideways and i need to pull it together.

i’m thankful i have a husband, a good family and friends who will support me when i’m sliding off the rails and help me find my balance.

i’m thankful i have a mentor at school who gets it. who knows that this is hard, and is there to support me and make sure i succeed.

i’m thankful for my treatment team. i honestly don’t know where i’d be without them: being at rodgers changed my life, and i will always owe them a huge debt of gratitude. my regular team has been amazing at helping me keep it all together.

so there’s a lot to be thankful for. a lot to work on, but to be thankful in the moment and remember that’s all of us can do.



Published by Martii

sometimes wordy, often intermittent. insight into my day to day.

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