so, maybe you missed me. you probably didn’t – i don’t get that much traffic around these parts – but hey, a girl can dream. i’m here. i’m probably not supposed to be doing this even, but i’m here.
here is treatment. i’m currently in residental treatment for my eating disorder- we’re working on the eating thing, along with the depression (which was WAY WAY out of control, even for me) and anxiety that was starting to bubble out of control. it was to the point that i couldn’t see the forest for the trees. everything was fucked guys- nothing made sense. food, something i generally love, was a chore. nothing sounded good. nothing tastes good. nothing felt good. i didn’t want to do anything, to see anyone. i just didn’t want anything.
it’s kind of amazing what as little as a week can do. three meals a day, plus three snacks is fucking difficult. like stupidly so. like i feel like i’m always eating. but i’m feeling better. i wake up earlier. i feel better in the morning (aside from the stupid headache i get from everything being so dry here and not being able to keep water in my room). i’m starting to feel not so tired all the time. it’s kind of night and day-ish and it’s been a week.
i don’t know how long i’m in. could be a month, could be a couple of months. right now, i just kinda smile and nod and hope to get better.
because that’s what i need. i need to get better. i need to figure out who i really am and find out how to take control of my life.
so i’m working on it. if i get a little quiet, it’s because things here have just gotten hard. don’t worry. i’m still here.