Day 7… of a sort

so, maybe you missed me. you probably didn’t – i don’t get that much traffic around these parts – but hey, a girl can dream.  i’m here. i’m probably not supposed to be doing this even, but i’m here. here is treatment. i’m currently in residental treatment for my eating disorder- we’re working on the

this weekend

i had the most magical experience this weekend. there’s really no other way to explain it. i pushed every limit of my comfort zone, and came out better for it. there’s no secret that i don’t like my body. i’m in constant battle with it (it. my body. depersonalization is my specialty). while i’m working on

…

i hate when you start a post, and it doesn’t get finished. a lot of my life feels like that right now. i’m starting things and never finishing. i’m hoping things will look up, they seldom do. mary got to watch me try not to have a panic attack at our union meeting. i was writing things

it settles in

I’m feeling pretty panicked. It’s a Tuesday, I’m sitting at my desk minding my business, and it just descended.  Now I’m crying for no reason and rethinking every decision I’ve ever made, up to and including the decision to write this down, right now, as it happens. You know that scene in Harry Potter where

Dealing with spoons

I borrowed that image, but it’s the spoon theory thing I was talking about. You only get so many spoons in a day, you can borrow from tomorrow – but that means you have less tomorrow. This week is in negative spoons. But… it can only get better. It’s progress, not perfection (thanks for the

i feel like a broken record

another week, another week of sucking. the depression and anxiety have taken a pretty hard hold on me. i can’t shake it. i’m not doing anything differently: i go to work (even if i get here late), i eat (it hasn’t been 3 meals a day, but i have been eating), i sleep (i try

it’s been rough

i feel like a broken record. it’s been a rough week. i’m tired and sad and just sad. it’s the point in the matt trip where i just miss him and want to shut down. work is hard. it’s just getting harder. i’m looking forward to a few things. matt comes home friday. class starts tuesday.

yeah it is

It has been a delicate struggle. Man oh man. This week has been, well, honestly, kinda shitty. Matt left for Germany on Sunday. Now anyone who knows me, knows that when Matt travels for long periods of time, my whole schedule/life/world sometimes just falls apart. He’s my touchstone, and he reminds me to take care

Day four

Okay, so I’m a little behind.  It’s still good, yeah? So yesterday was a really busy day. I had the day off because it was the May version of Doctor Thursday. Three doctors appointments, yay. Started with the new nutritionist. While I liked my old nutritionist, Alison, well enough- her office is a pain in

Day three

I promise that these daily things will stop. Let’s be real. I’m gonna get tired of rambling and give you guys a break. Yesterday was a no workout day. I kinda failed at eating (ie: I didn’t follow the “plan”) – but it’s not really a fail, since the plan is just a guide, and